field notes: a table full of elder baddies

Meditations on friendship and companionship in our later years

Welcome to field notes, my casual blogging platform within my Substack Messy Dialectic. If you are looking for more refined essays and discourse, check here for the latest posts. If you love rambling, brain dumps, and chit-chats about life experiences, then continue reading on.

I recently went to a Thai restaurant in town for my absolute favorite pad thai ever, and as I reached the end of my dining experience, I began to see a bunch of older women fill a larger set of tables in my peripheral view. It began with one woman who had longer black hair and a classy tan dress, and slowly but surely I saw many more personalities and shades of this group collect together.

Next up to sit at the table was a woman in an entirely pink ensemble. A plush pink headband atop her blonde dyed hair with a pink argyle vest and khaki pants paired with a pink purse. She happened to show up with a woman who was wearing a vibrant light blue outfit. Her cerulean top with her black miniskort and block heel stilettos with a platform. For reference, the shoes were very much like this pair of platform heels. Just high as hell and full of energy and character.

As the table continued to fill up, I saw how each woman came with her own unique vibe and style that she brought to the group. There was a more conservatively dressed woman in a very casual jean and blouse outfit who was much more reserved demeanor as she greeted the other women, and then there was another woman with chunky blonde highlights, a vintage black Ed Hardy top, skinny jeans, and studded high top sneakers.

Once the table was completely filled, the woman with the blue top and platform heels went around to each quadrant of the table to lift her leg up no less than 90 degrees as she showed off her shoes as the women ooo’d and awww’d at her presentation before finally going back to her seat. A few “happy birthday” cheers were said, and the women began chatting in an Asian language that left me unable to eavesdrop on what I just knew was a diva-classified gossip and catchup session.

All of the women were fabulous and it was just so exciting and refreshing seeing their different energies take over the large tables, but it definitely made me think deeper about female friendship and companionship as I continue to age and experience life.

I know I’m still young as hell, I’m just 28 and not even truly nearing 30, but I definitely do worry about finding my tribe like those baddies seem to have done. I worry that I’ll never find my people, and I worry that as I keep changing and morphing over time, I’ll just keep discarding folks that simply don’t align with whatever I currently align with.

Not to mention, I’m growing and changing so much right now, it feels downright irritating to hang around anyone who isn’t also on the growth-and-change bandwagon, because deep down inside I know that anyone who isn’t committed to being better is probably going to be left behind in my life.

I think it also just brings up the conflict of being so strict with how others come into contact with my values, boundaries, etc. I have unfortunately found, more often than not, that people are super willing to disregard boundaries, and are also super willing to say just absolutely crazy shit. When I clip these people away, I am certainly left wondering, how much more can I clip and clip away until I am left with nothing? Am I striving for perfection, or am I just being “real” and “true” to my needs?

It’s definitely a different dynamic for me, because I am so used to having friendship based on if other people are willing to give me friendship. This is the first real time in my life in which I am having the power to decide who gets access to me, and who simply will continue to hate outside of the club. It feels exclusive and exciting to build that for myself, but scary, because now I’m little miss off-with-their-heads if I don’t feel happy with the connections in my life.

Perhaps it’s good change. Perhaps it’ll lead me closer to my desired life-long web of associates. Perhaps it’s not so bad to choose.

Sigh.

I guess that’s just life.